POPEYE AT THE SYDNEY OLYMPICS JOKE                                                          ©J.Birch 2004 to 2006.

 

Popeye (the sailor man) & his girlfriend go to the                     

swimming at the Sydney Olympics.

 

In the first race Kieran Perkins comes home first and       

all the Aussies stand up & go… “Aussie! Aussie! Aussie!, Oi! Oi! Oi!”  

 

Then in the second race Grant Hacket comes home first

and all the Aussies stand up & go… “Aussie!! Aussie!! Aussie!!, Oi!! Oi!!

Oi!!

 

So in the third race it’s Susie O’Neal in front! …

       

And Popeye’s girlfriend she’s getting a bit exited!! …

       

So she stands up and goes “Olive!!!! Olive!!!! Olive!!!!”,    

“Oil!!!! Oil!!!! Oil!!!!”

 

WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE JOKE   

 

Did you hear about the mentally ill guy who won Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

 

They paid him in all one-cent pieces. One hundred million of 'em!

 

So the next day the guy goes to see a lady of very questionable virtue.

Who charges him… one cent per inch!!

 

And now the guy apparently has no cents at all!!!

 

ANOTHER VOLVO JOKE

 

Fords run on Standard, Holdens run on Super and Volvos run on VIAGRA!

 

SCHIZOPHRENICS ON THE HIGHWAY JOKE

 

A schizophrenic's driving along the highway, doing about a hundred…

 

Suddenly the back door slams!  BANG!!!

 

So the schizophrenic looks in the mirror and goes… "Hmmm, I wonder who got out?"

 

RUBBER NECKING JOKE  

 

You’ve heard the new version of  ‘Down Under’ by ‘Men At Work’? Sure you have, it’s called ‘I Come From A Hand Down Undies’ by ‘Men That Jerk’.

 

You’ve heard the new version of ‘It’s a long way to the top if you want to rock’n’roll’ by AC/DC? Sure you have, it’s called ‘It’s a long way to the shop if you want a sausage roll’ by ‘Hard Yakka Dakka’.

 

But I bet you anything you haven’t heard the new version of ‘Rubber Necking Re-Mix’ by Elvis Presley?… Sure you have, it’s called ‘I’m Still, Pushing Up Daisy’s’ by ‘Elvis PArsley’!

 

iPOD JOKE

 

Roger Daltry asks, “Are those iPod’s any good?”

And Pete Townsend replies “Who???”

 

PSYCHIATRIST JOKE

 

Q    What did the psychiatrist say when he looked in the mirror?

A    “You’d have to be crazy to see a psychiatrist!”

 

THE WHALE JOKE

 

There’s this old bloke who lives in the centre of Australia. He gets up one mornin’ and thinks, “I’ll go fishin’.”

 

So he grabs his tinny and rows right out in the middle of the ocean. He throws in a line, and a whale jumps on. Then another. And another. And another.

 

He’s got about 15 whales, so he decides to head home. That night he cooks up whale for dinner.

 

He sits down to eat, and his wife walks in and says “NOT WHALE AGAIN, MATE!”

 

EAR WORMS JOKE

 

Last Sunday, I couldn’t sleep. So I decided to get up early and take the garbage to the dump. While I was there I saw an old newspaper with an article about a new thing called…‘Scogic’.

Upon reading the article I found that ‘Scogic’ is in fact, a term, which is short for, ‘logic supported by scientific proof’.

 

On the way home I stopped off at the newsagents and got the newspaper.

 

In the entertainment section I was quite surprised to find out about the next big thing. A rock band, would you believe, called ‘Scrogic’.

 

Being a bit of a music buff I switched on the tellie and there they were. ‘Scogic’, playing live.

 

On the midday news it was all about ‘Scrogic’. It seemed the band was in a bit of a mess because they were now being sued by another band who said ‘‘Scogic’ had stolen their name”. The other band’s name… ‘Garbage’.

 

That afternoon I got a bit of a headache and trotted off to the doctors. The doctor looked at my ear and said, “You seem to have a very bad ear worm”.

 

So I said, “Don’t worry about that Doc! Its just ‘Scrogic’!”

 

To which the doctor replied,  “Did you mean, ‘logic supported by scientific proof’?”

 

 “No” I said ‘That’d be ‘Garbage.”

 

THE PRESIDENT’S PRESENT

 

Did you hear that Santa couldn’t come to the president this year?

 

Santa was on Viagra and he couldn’t get down the chimney!

 

(White House!)